Exit through the gift shop

We finally bade Miami farewell and headed north to Orlando, destination – Disney world. The train journey which mirrored the road was pretty boring and after shelling out for Amtrak tickets so we could see the countryside, we hoped they weren’t all going to be like that. Eventually the train wound its way into Orlando station, the last we would actually see of the city itself. We grabbed an Uber to the “happiest place on earth” or at least our hotel on the edge of it. We were staying at the Dolphin hotel, a mid-range Disney hotel. Just like everything in Florida (and Disney. It was big. A big driveway, a huge foyer, and lots of rooms. This was the first place where we saw the enormity of mass crowds in America, starting with the front desk that had a rope line, with different entries for Disney frequent flyers. In fact, the whole place was set up in such a way that Disney just expected that anyone who went had been there before.

After checking into our room, which didn’t have the Disney touches that you find in Hong Kong Disney, we headed for the guest pass desk to grab our two-day park hopper passes. These were accompanied by a series of maps and a badge proudly declaring we were first timers to Disney. We didn’t wear them. In retrospect I wonder If wearing them might have made life easier given everyone acted like we were supposed to know how everything works. Things I learned at Disney that would have been useful to know before we tackled the parks – 1. The fast pass doesn’t just give you the three fast entry to rides it promises. It will actually give you access to more once you have used the first three. It is just that it will only allow you three at a time and only the first three have to be in the same park. Sound confusing – that’s because it is. 2. Book for popular eating places ahead of your visit. Don’t just assume you can rock up. 3. When they suggest you will need more time than you think, they’re right. 4 I am pretty sure Disney invented the concept of exiting through the gift shop. You can’t enjoy any Disney experience (except maybe eating), without going through a gift shop. And all parks have at least some concept of a main street which is filled with stores selling even more Disney merchandise. It’s as American as…

We picked Hollywood studios as our first foray into the wonderful world of Disney – partly because it is where the Star Wars stuff is. We caught the ferry, conveniently located just outside our hotel. At check-in, we were issued with a Disney card that was pretty much our ticket to everything. The first use was swiping to get into the park (after an incredibly thorough bag search). But swiping the card wasn’t enough. They then collected your fingerprint so every time you used the card from then on, it had to be accompanied by a finger scan. The person at the gate and the machine told you to choose a finger and then use that finger for your scan for the rest of the visit. I was astonished at the number of people who had trouble grasping that concept. Dan was just astonished by the number of people. It may have been that we came on the Monday and Tuesday before thanksgiving or just that Disney is always that busy. But here we were, confronted by a slice of middle (mostly white) America. The people who choose a Disney vacation every year. The other thing that astonished us was the number of (hired) motorised scooters in the park – there were clearly older and disabled people who needed them but I am fairly certain the majority of those using scooters to get around were just too lazy to walk. Now I am fat, and I am not exactly an enthusiastic fitness devotee but it would never occur to me to use a scooter to get around an amusement park rather than to walk. They other things that was astounding about Disney was the stroller parking lots. There were areas within the parks, often near rides specifically suited to younger children, that actually had stroller parking labelled (and they were always full). [Walk this Way – Run DMC vs Aerosmith – one of the greatest collaborations of all time. Interestingly, there is an Aerosmith Rock’n’Roller coaster at Hollywood Studios which I may have been tempted to wait the 115 minutes to ride if it also involved Run and Co]

Into the park, we decided to go for a walk around to check things out and grab a bite to eat at the 50s Prime Time Café. Except that there was an hour wait unless you booked. So, we booked to come back at 9:30pm. It was then time to find something to do. There was a Star Wars show that had some live character action in front of clips from all of the movies, we watched that for a while and went in search of the Star Wars ride. The best part about it was probably the massive walker outside. Having not worked out the fast passes, we stood in line for about an hour. I will say this though – Disney know the lines are going to be long so they ensure there is plenty to see, including video displays and animatronics to get you (and the kids) excited/interested in the ride. In this case you were led through a docking port for space ships before you took off in a shuttle with C3PO and R2D2. Eventually you went in and sat in a row of 4 in front of a screen with specialty goggles. I imagine the perspective was quite familiar to gamers (I am not one) but with added perspective and physical sensations. For me, it was fun (although quite short. Dan thought the same, although the sensations were probably more foreign to me as a passive consumer of entertainment rather than a participant.

After the ride, we still had some time to kill before dinner so after a quick lap past the kid rides and experiences (little mermaid etc, we headed over to watch the final Indiana Jones show for the evening. Heavy on the audience participation/ embarrassment, which Americans seem to be fine with, members of the audience were put through their paces prior to the show, then participating in it. The show consisted of various stunts from the Indy and the Temple of Doom (where they leave in the plane at the end. And of course, that is the big crescendo. It was a bit of fun watching the special effects explosions and hearing a little bit (albeit in a dumbed down version) about how they create the stunts.

After the show, we headed over to the café to be seated for dinner. The drawcard of the café was the 50s décor, complete with clips from 50s TV shows, including the original credits to Wonderful World of Disney, and melamine kitchen tables and benches and all manner of other 50s accoutrements. There were waitresses in 50 attire declaring that everybody needed to keep their elbows off the table and being sure to enforce this with the kids in the restaurant. The other drawcard was the 50s homestyle menu. You expect the food at an amusement park to be terrible but Disney has obviously invested in providing good quality food. It’s not cheap but it’s enjoyable and so you are prepared to pay. We started off with a typical 50s appetizer – an iceberg lettuce wedge with blue cheese dressing. Simple yet thoroughly enjoyable. I decided, as is my want, to try A Sampling of Mom’s favourite recipes consisting of pot roast, meatloaf and chicken (with all the fixin’s) and Dan had the Aunt Liz’s Golden Fried Chicken -with mash and gravy (some of the best gravy I’ve tasted) and collard greens. We washed it down with a Bowie Wowie for Dan – which tasted a bit like a Pina Colada and Dad’s Electric Lemonade for me – Blue Curacao based – both of which featured glowing electric ice cubes. Dessert, as has often been the case here, was a bit of a disappointment – we shared a brownie and apple crisp – both were a lot sweeter than we had hoped. What we were really looking for was a good apple pie (which had so far eluded us).

After dinner we went for a walk around the Toy Story part of the Park which was a mesmerising collage of brightly coloured rides and opportunities to have their picture taken with different characters (for purchase at a later date). It was all a bit overwhelming although we both mused that the Toy story roller coaster (which was quite sedate would be fun if we didn’t have to queue for an hour to get on to it. From here we headed back to the hotel, feeling a bit overwhelmed, hoping that a bit of rest and some studying up on how things work would set us up better for the following day.

Despite how many people there were and the wait times for the rides, the park is set up extremely well, with a number of different transport modes to get people from one place to another. Plenty of food options, including the Boardwalk close to our hotel that we didn’t end up visiting. [Wharf War – H-Block 101 – a great Australian punk band that probably never got the recognition they deserved (or probably wanted) – with a 70s/80s punk sensibility and political philosophy they didn’t ever sit that comfortably with the myriad of Fat Wreck Chords, skate-surf pop punk prevalent at the time, but have always struck a chord with me)].